


Voy amarte sin reproches

by CuckooTrooke



Series: Adam&Javi [1]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Love, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 12:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18282497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuckooTrooke/pseuds/CuckooTrooke
Summary: During a quiet night in with a new boyfriend, Adam thinks about everything that once went downhill and is grateful for what he has found.





	Voy amarte sin reproches

**Author's Note:**

> It was REALLY hard to write without having really any idea what kind of person Javi is. I've been following him on IG for while now but there is only so much you can judge by social media. 
> 
> And those who wait for my fanfic updates, they'll come. I promise. Right now school (internship, really) is just eating my head off slowly and painfully. I'm working on them. 
> 
> Title is a lyric from a song 'No hay nadie más'.

Pharaoh's paw constantly kept hitting his leg which eventually tugged him out of his light sleep. The dog was scratching his ear like it had personally insulted him or something - Adam gently nudged him with his foot. It caught his attention and he stopped, but gave Adam a look that told him he had interfered. 

He was thankful for Pharaoh for pulling him out of his sleep, though. The more lightly he sleeps, the more vivid and unpleasant his dreams are. Sometimes they're not even dreams, just flashes of something his mind is trying hard to push back or ignore. 

The TV was still on, the sound was so quiet though he could barely hear it. 

"You fell asleep on me" Came a voice and something soft yet ticklish brushed against his chest which made him even more aware of his surroundings, "I was telling you about my day at work and you totally fell asleep on me"

Adam had no idea what time it is. Judging by the darkness outside, it's either really late or really early. Most likely both, depending on how you see it. The voice on the other hand... He has never been happier about a single sound before. 

Or maybe he has. But not in a very long time and it's still all relatively new. The sound, however, wasn't one bit upset or irritated. It just delivered an observation. 

"Sorry" Adam still apologized, tangling his fingers in the ball of brown curls, nestled on top of his chest, " 'didn't really get a proper sleep last night" 

"How come?" 

He wanted to say something cheesy. Something along the lines of 'because you weren't next to me'. But he figured out he shouldn't, Javi wouldn't believe it anyway. That's the name of the person whose head is attatched to the ball of the brown curls Adam very much loves, if anyone's wondering. 

It's been a while since his heart has been properly nurtured. He nearly suffocated it himself during the past couple of years - muted it every time it ached for one reason or another and hid it under so many layers of walls no one and nothing could ever touch it again. Guarded it from hurt and sheltered from pain but it came with a price. It left him feeling numb and apathetic - The ability to feel joy felt nearly far-fetched. And it scared him. 

Breaking down those walls wasn't easy. Yet it didn't compare to the feeling of having your heart exposed to someone again. 

It required massive amounts of persistence from Javi and patience from Adam. 

God knows how many arms has held him and how many pairs of legs've been around him during the past few years, none of it came close to what he has now. 

Emotional security and affection - something he thought he had lost forever. Along the way he lost the hope of anyone managing to break in. Or even wanting to try. He was alarmingly okay with that, he just wished he could feel at least something to make him feel a bit more alive. 

He got more than he dared to hope for. 

After what seemed like forever, Adam replied;

"I kept waking up because I kept seeing a dream where you walked away"

The curl ball moved again, more this time, so much it left Adam's body and he missed the warmth instantly. Javi propped himself up, his body now supported by his elbow, and the lack of warmth was successfully compromised by the sight of his beautiful face. 

There was a slight, outgrown stubble on his jaw and cheek, which had left the most pleasant kind of burns on various parts of Adam's body earlier today. 

"Have I given you a reason to fear such thing?" Javi asked. 

"No" Adam said, watching Javi climb on top of his body, "It's just my mind playing tricks on me..."

In his dreams, it was the distance during a tour. Then it was the age gap, a misunderstanding, lack of trust, different visions for the future... Anything, really. 

" _Mi amor_ , I'm not walking anywhere" He said, cupping Adam's chin between his fingers and pecked him on the lips, "Except to your bedroom in a bit, maybe. You're not getting rid of me that easily" 

"Oh, I really wouldn't want to" Adam murmured, fingers slipping underneath the fabric of Javi's shirt and found the tops of his hip bones, "I looked for something real for _so_ long... I wasted so many opportunities, so many kisses..."

"I know you did" Javi said softly, "But I'm not going anywhere, you know. And neither will you"

The side of Adam's mouth twitched, to a smirk almost. He's been fearing losing his boyfriend without giving much thought to how much he used to chicken out from situations himself. Javi wouldn't let him. 

Javi let go of his chin and dropped his head to the crook of his neck, struggling to curl his arms under Adam's but somehow managed. Adam chuckled and brought his hands higher, wrapping his arms around the slim body. 

_This_ is what it all lacked - Genuine affection. It worked like a natural stress relief. The smallest things do recently.

Like that tender brush of a hand on his thigh when he was getting a little worked up because of work or those soft pets on his hair. 

Adam felt the bed shift the tiniest bit and soon Pharaoh hit his arm with his paw. When he got no attention, he did it again, accompanied by a quiet whine. 

Javi's body shook with chuckles and he raised his head, turning to look at the dog,

"You know, this isn't exclusively your spot anymore" He pointed out, "We gotta learn to share" 

Javi pulled his arms free and sat up on Adam's lap, watching as Pharaoh jumped down from the couch.

"He either accepted or he's sulking" 

"Both" Adam decided, "He'll be fine. I'm sure he won't sleep on the couch tonight"

Javi chuckled, taking both of Adam's hands into his and laced their fingers. 

"Speaking of sleeping... Anything else weighing on your heart?"

Adam shook his head.

"Sure?"

"I'm sure" Adam smiled, "I'm just ready for bed and get some proper sleep. You must be tired too"

"Meh. I took a nap which was way too long earlier today, so I'm not that tired really..." Javi admitted, his fingers rubbing suggestively over Adam's knuckles, "But if you're tired then of course we can just go to bed and sleep too, I don't mind..."

There's something about the clear suggestion that still makes Adam spine (not just his spine) stir. It's different than having someone approach you in a club and show clear interest in possibly continuing the party somewhere more private. While Adam was always flattered by that, after a while the spark of it dies. 

Cuddles afterwards feel either forced or there's none. Sometimes they even leave or ask you to leave right after like all they ever saw in you was the thing you shoved up their ass and once that's done with, you become air.   
Adam doesn't blame them, he has cruised for sex too. 

But this... This was something else. 

Adam knew he was so much more than just his dick. The cuddles afterwards are almost essential and every single touch feels at least ten times better. 

"Well, I mean, I'm not _that_ tired..." Adam murmured. The grin on Javi's face was wicked which left Adam feel like a puddle of melted butter. Oh boys who tease him... 

Javi brought his hand up to his lips and kissed his fingers. He got up, switched the TV off, which left the room surprisingly dark. Pharaoh's claws tapped against the floor, he must have also taken it as a cue to go to bed. 

Adam pushed himself up and instinctively grabbed his phone from the couch, he wouldn't want to come back down to get it. Javi on the other hand took Pharaoh in his arms and carried upstairs, regardless of knowing he's capable of doing it himself. 

Once up, Adam tossed a pillow on the floor for Pharaoh - it'll keep him busy for a while. While they're busy. 

Javi put Pharaoh down and slowly moved over to sit on the bed, wiggling backwards until he was in the middle. He flicked on the bedside lamp to bring a little bit of light. 

Adam kneeled on the bed, shifting Javi's legs on both sides of his hips and lowered him down on the mattress, both sighing blissfully. 

When Adan was going for a kiss, Javi grabbed his head with both hands. 

"You need to let yourself remember that you can love and share as much and openly as you want and need to. You are loved back" He said, dropping his other hand on top of the left side of Adam's chest, "I am going to take care of this. I promise"

"I know you will. You already do"

**Author's Note:**

> More Javi fics? Smutty? Fluffy? Angsty? Maybe a multiple chapter fiction? 
> 
> I was just warming up with this one.


End file.
